the disfigured star

finally the predictability of my life has been usurped and my entire being has been shaken down to the very core. my first real glimpse into self-destruction..beautiful, savage, unrelenting. i could never be honest enough to give up completely to the dark thoughts that skip through the psyche like a thousand flat rocks reaching towards eternity.
i've also realized that i like writing stuff that sounds deep, poetic and intelligent but really means nothing. this could be due to the fact that i fail to grasp the meaning of meaning (video camera taping the same television that is projecting what the camera is taping). and while i'm at it, here are several other concepts whose implications are so far reaching that a mere human such as myself could never hope to become their master.
1)truth
2)love
3)eternity
4)1000000000 (one billion - more than you think)
5)turbulence
6)infinite length in a finite area
7)the fine line between moderation and excess
8)the difference between god and the perfect equation
9)music

thats all for now, this list is actually endless (hahahaha) so i will stop now that I am aware of the futility